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Post by presh on May 10, 2005 23:57:42 GMT -5
ok, so recently i have caught myself thinking "hey, life isn't so bad" and i immediately say to myself..."no wait, that's not right...life sucks" because that is what i am so used to thinking. these new perceptions are sneaking up on me and really do surprise me. So i'm thinking, maybe my outlook has changed, but it was gradual and i didn't really notice it until it hit me. i don't know...i did my same lounging around in pajamas-doing nothing at all during the whole weekend, but it didn't bother me too much this time that i didn't get anything done. i cant quite tell if its that i don;t care or if i don;t think its so crucially important. anyway, the point i am getting at is that i think that i am seeing things in a different way. i don't feel like i have changed much, i am the same me, but i am trying to be more aware of things good and bad. trying to appreciate both, notice them, but not get too involved....try to check my thoughts and feelings, but allow myself to think and feel them instead of agonizing over whether or not i should be feeling/thinking these things. i am sure this therapy i am doing has helped me out alot. (They call all this "being mindful" and "self-soothing strategies") so i think there is some way to "get out of the deep dark hole". you've just got to try things, and be patient (that's the real hard one) not everything will work, and what works for others may not work for you, but eventually you will find something, whether it is with a psychiatrist, therapist, spiritual guide, or whatever, or even from your own self (like freak...you found out on your own what you need to do --- just accept life for what it is and don't worry about it -- do i have that right???) i think the problems dont really go away, but the way we handle them changes so that we can take care of ourselves better and not beat ourselves up unnecessarily. on a side note....my computation professor said something today that i think applies pretty well (his thought was in reference to programming, but ...) "you learn things by testing things out and making mistakes. you could not bother to try anything and make no mistakes...but you won't learn anything very well that way." ok, that was a long 2 cents  |
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Post by megoboom on May 14, 2005 17:27:46 GMT -5
it sounds like you have things right or at least things are gettin better slowly but surely congrats on that right now i should just focus on the end of semester stuff for classes and all before anything else
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Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on May 18, 2005 1:36:43 GMT -5
it's nice to see the light in the tunnel is not the train, and your writing was somewhat inspiring.
Paco
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Post by princess on May 18, 2005 12:34:53 GMT -5
very interesting
and I know how you feel
when I started to try new things I felt better
when I had no computer I had to find ways to occupy myself and find things to make me less depressed
and it has worked
well sort of
I still get my low days
but recently I am having more happy days than sad days
and I feel like a new person
It is great
I don't see my psychiatrists etc anymore
I am not on any anti depressants
and appart from punching things I haven't self harmed
I think this year will be a good one for me
and it sounds like it is going well for others
*smiles*
If only life was always this happy
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Post by presh on May 19, 2005 14:41:18 GMT -5
it's nice to see the light in the tunnel is not the train hehe, gee i never thought of that! hey, i'm glad something of it made sense to you paco. before i never ever ever ever ever ever thought things were gonna get better...not at all...then i don't know, i just stuck with the therapy and slowly things did, i didn't realize it, but then my therapist told me that i am no longer symptomatic for PTSD, and it freaked me out, but its actually true.... |
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Post by Freakofftheleash on May 25, 2005 21:31:54 GMT -5
2 Cent eh, seems like a dollar to me  What you say makes a hell of a lot of sense. So much so, your experience shows that it IS possible to get out of this hole. I'm flattered that you've compared your revelations to my thoughts on the matter but I have to say that our lines of thinking are completely different. My solution is destructive. Basically, I’ve given up... my attitude us f**k it! Which suits me fine, apathy (or is it ignorance) is bliss. No trouble, no fuss. However, you seem to have worked your way into actually attaining a healthier state of mind. I'm sure I’m not the only one that feels this way but your discoveries seem to have proven that there is hope... which in my current state of mind felt non existent. It does seem as though you have found out way out of the downward spiral. Beautifully said. I've felt that so many times... but what you've done is to actually deal with it in a logical and beneficial manner. I think the key you have found is understanding. For me, depression is often caused by confusion and only seeing things from a particular angle. By understanding the problem, the solution is easy to find. Just don't get discouraged. You'll always have downs as well as ups... but if you keep this up you'll eventually find your way out of the woods After reading what you've wrote I think I might give therapy another go. Although this time I know what to expect, which should aid my progress. I have you to thank for that. Keep us posted, and good luck! |
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Post by princess on May 27, 2005 12:37:36 GMT -5
Ok whatever I said ignore it because life is a piece of shit
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Post by presh on May 29, 2005 16:22:57 GMT -5
hey martin, thanks for your thoughts.
i think the biggest thing is not taking oneself so seriously all the time....not everything is important. its ok to screw up. i am finding it interesting trying to live now...with everyday things...i really have to think about them and what i really want to do. i have to make decisions....which is unnerving and scary, but its doable i guess. its strange kind of observing how i react to things....like i will cry because that is what i used to do, but i am not sure why i am actually crying now....it is like an automatic response, though it is not really warranted.
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Post by megoboom on May 29, 2005 20:30:24 GMT -5
a way to let out stress or the strain of the incident perhaps or a way to cope eermm sounds that same i think
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Post by Rain on Jun 1, 2005 20:23:51 GMT -5
Sometimes I tell myself that there is a beauty in doing things wrong. I mean, I at some point would feel extremely irritated if everything went so well, constantly. To have people constantly laughing and smiling at me, at some stay they will start to look like idiots to me. In other words, the misery, the darkness was something that would help you see things different, you can't really do that when you are always walking a path 'obstacle-less' (what a word). What I silently thought was someday things really could be better. It seemed to be soothening... and I don't mind either if it's a false thought (if it is). The idea just makes me feel better (or it is I am separating myself like this, confusing).
I think what keeps me going (some days) are just hopeless fantasies.
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Post by kittyclub2005 on Jun 9, 2005 23:34:49 GMT -5
All of you are so deep. Wow. I just dunno what to say sometimes.
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Post by megoboom on Jun 11, 2005 15:57:32 GMT -5
ditto
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Post by kittyclub2005 on Jun 12, 2005 16:56:09 GMT -5
He he . . .
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