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Post by megoboom on May 30, 2005 16:18:45 GMT -5
ya and also i think of how i can kill myself sometimes and when i cant cut thoughts tend to consume me but when im with Mike i feel better but when i go back home where i feel like i cant do anything right i get sad again i dunno how to deal but i dont wanna hurt Mike
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Post by Rain on Jun 1, 2005 20:35:26 GMT -5
i feel cutting has taken over my life. when i am not cutting i am thinking about how i am going to cover up the scars to go to my next meeting for work. everyday things are fine, but meetings i have to cover them up or god forbid wear a long sleeve shirt in 90-100 degree weather. I don't like that much either... constantly being preoccupied because of people, always ready with their harsh remarks. I unfortunately have not worn anything short sleeved for a few years now, maybe just two. I try to be like these homeless people who don't care about anything. I at least have my clothes on, I didn't steal, deal or have been selling myself on the streets (thinking of it, I wouldn't feel ashamed if I did these things). I tell myself that my jumpers aren't so bad to wear during summer, besides I am quite easily cold. The summer is really a period I want to be away very soon. I like the moments I can wear my jackets and capes. Do you wear really thick clothings? Or just thin ones? You could try the thin ones, you wouldn't worry all the time with them (that someone will see your scars). Thinking about it, my brother went to his girlfriend two weeks ago. He came back telling me with a tone that cutting was becoming a fashion now and he immediately linked it with hardcore music (goth/dark music, while I don't even listen to these things!). Appeared, that the mother of this girl is also 'emotional' unstable and seemed to have sliced herself a few times in the arms. She wouldnt want to give my brother the details, she said later. I don't know if it's fashion. I just think perhaps.. we are all becoming more careless about our bodies and want to do stuff. Still automutilation is something that has a personal meaning to each of us, I don't think anyone can be categorized or made feel to be worthless.
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Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on Jun 1, 2005 22:41:33 GMT -5
you know when i am out on my own time i don't care what i wear. shorts and t shirts whatever. they can all @%$# off. it is when i go to work and work meetings, confrences and such that is expected.
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Post by ycantuluvme on Jun 3, 2005 18:47:26 GMT -5
i normally cut when im alone in my room or maybe the bathroom too, i have cut at school mayeb about a couple times, but it wasnt with a knife or anything, im that stupid to bring one to school...
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Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on Jun 3, 2005 23:52:47 GMT -5
it does not sound like something stupid, it sounds more like something born of desperation. i hate that you are cutting at such a young age. you must be very sad. if i could go back to 13 i would love to have never stated. i am now 26 and still cut. if you can eliminate the problem now go for it. the longer it lasts the harder it is to stop. it's like a drug. try not to start those either. they suck.
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Post by Rain on Jun 12, 2005 4:26:02 GMT -5
I agree with what you say paco. I would feel like a sort of 'killer' if I went with a knife to school. I don't trust myself never and nor the things I see. Like I went to a festival last night yet it is as if I never went there and I wonder. I think -though I would never do it- I would harm others... and that thought makes me very upset. At all time.
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Post by megoboom on Jun 13, 2005 15:31:21 GMT -5
usually i wouldnt wanna hurt others unless they really start to piss me off which i find isnt as hard as it used to be anyway i dont think that all mutilation is a fashion but there are some people who do it cuz they think its kool or something i think
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Post by Rain on Jun 14, 2005 2:49:38 GMT -5
I thought it well and I think it's just a generation who are born with dark feelings and thoughts or with extremely sensitive nerves that they are capable to give theirself to morbid things. Like in the past you had hippies everywhere, now you don't have hippies, you have punk and goths. There used to lots of drugs back then but now it's blood shedding, it's automutilation. I don't believe it will last forever. For me it's just something of generation, a group of souls with the same taste. Over a few years, self-injury might be a very rare thing. It's all temporarily... well, this is just what I am guessing.
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Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on Jun 18, 2005 4:23:39 GMT -5
how far does a generation spread (ages?) ? or is this like in the 70's people just fried their brains on acid, and shrooms, and like this it will pass? maybe right now kids are starting to "cut for thrills" but this has been going on for a long time. it is just like the rest of the people here, it was not accepted. you are a freak. f@#$ that. in time it will not be the "norm" but it will still be. or at least in America
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Post by Rain on Jun 18, 2005 10:23:09 GMT -5
Again, I think all generation have something 'special' about them. Some are old-fashioned, some aren't, all generation improve somehow (for the good or worse). This is again just a personal view, I am not claiming to know everything but I like to think.
I know many times people hide their problems, often past times but now we are more getting more open, physically we even show more bodyparts (Im just giving out changes), there is a lot we do that we didn't do in the past (well, with the technology which improved and we got computers, we certainly do feel more safe online to talk about our problems too, seeing as we don't know anyone in real life, the thought is a comfort to me sometimes).
So, I believed that all generation had something that defined them, and it of course does not mean that it start from november exactly and ended in a specific year, time is a humanly thing. It was just there, those changes. I believe in changes, and no, they mightn't ever be gone entirely. But if you take a good look at the society, there is always a dominating lifestyle. And maybe it mightn't be a norm, but it would not have much taboo to talk about it someday, without being called an attention-seeker.
EDIT: When you also get something out, you just don't feel need to do something to yourself to get things out. If there is communication, things go smoother, therefor I do believe that automutilation might not exist someday. Though saying it was gone entirely, was saying there was no diversity.. but if it would still be around, then it would not be a form of self-destruction anymore. Yeah, I was a believer in a beautiful advanced world, where people where spiritually developed, so maybe that's why my words sometimes do not make sense for someone who thinks rational.
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Post by cagedtorment on Nov 17, 2005 19:29:35 GMT -5
Well i am currently cold turkeying quitting but l'll contribute anyhow.
Used to do it primarily in my bedroom, then i moved into the bathroom cause blood doesn't stain floor tiles and if i messed myself up bad enough i was close by to medications, first aid, and towels and running water.
Then i had a phase of cutting in the star filled night looking up at the moon...then whenever it would rain at night I'd lay down and have the rain fall down on me whilst l'd gently cut.
My car too.
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Post by ellahatesherhate on Jun 3, 2008 19:07:53 GMT -5
I used to cut. in my room, bathroom, livingroom when no body was home, school bathroom, school class room(i don't think anybody saw me^^) outside school, outside my house, my boyfriends bedroom, in front of some guy and my BF in the bush outside my school...maybe more
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