A question as to why??

[cagedtorment]

Hello everyone, sorry to hog up the message board but I've decided to admit to others and myself as to why i think i did what i did - I've tried to get past S.I and this site is helping me get through it, so thank you in advance.

Ok some background. I started at age 13 (i think) with cutting then it mutated into other methods, the last time (before about 2 weeks ago) i did anything was well over a year ago, and I've never been in a relationship, nor really wanted one until this year.

I feel like im addressing a Jury

Why?

- Punishing myself for making bad decisions, failing at
something, feeling the need to cut (vicious cycle thing,
think about it 'i cut because i hated myself for cutting')
- Preventing suicide....maybe, maybe.
- Maybe replacing the abuse i had as a child from my family,
they no longer punished me by hitting me as i was now able
to defend myself/too old, perhaps i missed the only physical
contact with them (even though it was negative) by doing
what i did to myself

BUT MOSTLY

- I believe it was a vent for anger, i didn't want to hurt
anyone else so i hurt myself. I made a cry for help with a
thread before called 'I'm starting to crack', I think its
because was angry at the time, and ive been becoming
angrier and angrier as of late.

Wow that was LONG! I wonder if anyone actually read it

[zero]

That's kind of funny, that last part about anger is why I think I initially started SI. As an answer to the question, I guess just feeling lost, depressed and worthless. And being completely numb, the pain gives me some sort of feeling.

[princess]

zero said:

That's kind of funny, that last part about anger is why I think I initially started SI. As an answer to the question, I guess just feeling lost, depressed and worthless. And being completely numb, the pain gives me some sort of feeling.

I couldnt agree more