How it haunts me

[raea]

I have been addicted to auto mutilation for over 3 years. When I finally had the courage and the strength to stop (which took me a long time) I started realizing that this is something I am going to carry with me for the rest of my life and that the struggle will lessen but never disappear.
When I have a bad day (like this) i just start fantasizing about it, one specific image of cutting open the skin upon my chest... Will this ever stop? Will it be like this for the rest of my life? I don't have the strength to fight forever.

[princess]

unfortunately the struggle will allways remain as the scars are a living reminder. But it does get alot easier in time. That is the only real cure for pain .. time.
The important thing is to allways clear your mind... if you let out your feelings then they can't block your mind and thoughts and they won't be able to take over your happiness.
God... so many nights I would lay awake praying for thoughts of mutilation to cease and then one day after talking about what gets me down with someone close I noticed that the self harm was becoming less and less and now I haven't harmed for nearly 6 months... the thoughts are always there as are the scars but like I said it does get easier

if you want to talk then I will be here from time to time and my email adress is [e-mail]