Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on Jul 2, 2005 1:59:52 GMT -5
hate to be a freak but i am on my way down again. today probably 52. too much stress!
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Post by Chickas on Jul 15, 2005 23:14:48 GMT -5
i feel pretty lousy these days. i wish my time would just hurry up so i'll rate it about a 2
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Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on Jul 18, 2005 0:46:33 GMT -5
probably a 23 i am just soo tired i can't even see too well
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Post by kittyclub2005 on Aug 2, 2005 15:43:13 GMT -5
I think a 30. I'm real tired, and bored.
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Post by Rain on Sept 14, 2005 4:18:33 GMT -5
60. Bad... but not feeling like dying right now.
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Post by |T_T| Leenie |T_T| on Sept 14, 2005 15:26:05 GMT -5
I'm definately feeling 50/100 because nothing as been really bad but nothing as been awesomeness lately.
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Post by Rain on Sept 14, 2005 15:29:21 GMT -5
I do wonder how your life looks like, aside of your parents being upset of your depression. Are there anything (else) that trigger your suicidial feelings a lot?
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Post by |T_T| Leenie |T_T| on Sept 15, 2005 19:39:15 GMT -5
ummmm....me? I think I put myself down a lot. I think if my parents think i can do better i put more pressure on myself to do better and when i fail i just feel useless and when people shut me out i feel unwanted and not liked at all. Sometimes my boyfriend can make me feel that way but i told him this and i think he understands that now...so i'm hoping nothing will go wrong and this year will be a lot better then last. i really have doubts but i guess i can hope. If anything seriously goes wrong..well i'm dead.
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Post by Rain on Sept 16, 2005 3:07:10 GMT -5
Are you really considering death or suicide? I wished your boyfriend could give you more the feeling you're wanted, especially when others don't give you that feeling sometimes. In the past, there were a few people who thought I were insane, thus I got rid of all of them. I'm sort of alone at the moment but I should deal with it, I live isolated for years now. I honestly have no idea what life or road I will take if I continue living here. At least you have someone you can hold yourself to, he should give you reason not to die yet, not to mention you're so young.
But if you were going to die, what method do you think of using?
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Post by |T_T| Leenie |T_T| on Sept 16, 2005 17:57:07 GMT -5
I'm not really saying I am going to kill myself ...but i do feel like i should sometimes. He does give me a reason to live. I love him so much. He loves to say i he changed my life and help me see why i should live but i would never tell him that i think of cutting again or how i just wish I had a gun to shoot myself. I really don't know how I would kill myself...I think I'm more of if I hate the situtation I'm in I'll find something and do it. That's how I cut. Someone gave me a knife and I was really depressed so I took it and started cutting..my bf didn't take that well...he was so sad and wouldn't talk to me until I broke down and told him I was sorry and wouldn't do it again even though I did.
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Post by Rain on Sept 17, 2005 5:35:48 GMT -5
You can never really make promises to anyone. Another 'friend' of mine told me that if I ever cut myself horribly, he'd go mad. Those are things that enter from an ear and leave the other. I believe no one really cares. They just don't want to feel guilty, to see you ending your life, without doing anything about it. In my case, I don't feel anyone has ever understood me. I also hold many things inside, especially if people say: You can't die, you must live and all those sorts of things. If only they knew they are only pushing you away. At least, that's how I have been behaving. I have started avoiding many people who are now doing better or thought suicide isn't the answer if I mentioned it.
I mean, many times when I say how I feel, I don't always mean it. I just want to express myself... but if I can't, then I am the only person I can turn to. How harsh it also sounds. You can only rely on yourself, even that self is just plain darkness.
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Post by |T_T| Leenie |T_T| on Sept 17, 2005 21:43:14 GMT -5
Yeah i know what you mean...I only listen to the people i really care about and promise them that if i'm not doing well i'll tell them so they can help me but i guess sometimes it doesn't work that way and my emotions take over and just want to die. i'm hanging on tho. I'm being strong for the people that care for me. I'm trying to show more of the fun happy side of me i had in me when i was younger. All my friends tell me how negative i have been and how i have changed and i think that also made me more negative because they always pointed out the bad things about me and everything just made me feel worse and worse.
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Post by Chickas on Sept 18, 2005 11:52:50 GMT -5
my life has been sucking for a while. i just wish i could end it all, but maybe i'm not strong enough to do that. i'm only continuing on for the one person that i know still cares for me, but when she qives up like they all do, i'm over. so right now i feel like a -80
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Post by Rain on Sept 18, 2005 13:37:44 GMT -5
I feel for you Chickas. Currently, I don't really have anyone I'd feel I'd want to live for. So I might as well die, doesn't make any difference...
Continuing on your post Leenie, the same happened with me too. I can't expect people to say I'm happy when I'm not. I have a really bad attitude or mood lately which seems to be worsening. Only the only exception is that now I'm in therapy. Perhaps over some time I'd be calmer having my stories and thoughts out. Other than that, I really don't have much I can to make me feel better.
I think I'd be better off if my relatives supported me and took my feelings into consideration but they loose patience too often and then I fall deeper in my puddle of mess. I hope you can keep hanging on if needed, both of you... but it gets hard sometimes.
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Paco
Official member
Posts: 128
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Post by Paco on Sept 19, 2005 1:47:12 GMT -5
... i just wish i could end it all, but maybe i'm not strong enough to do that. ... not offi'n yourself is much hardwer than doin' it. by continuing on you deal with your problems,and or concerns rather than running from them. having the thoughts is very understandable life can be rough. i will be the first to admit it has crossed my mind many a time. the key thing is to focus on living for you and not someone else.
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