Rain...everyone please read

[fairygirl712]

My name is Ana. I want everyone to know. Rain's name was Tatiana. She was from The Netherlands. I have been her best friend for 3 years. 3 months ago she wrote me a good-bye e-mail. She posted that the site would not have a owner. All this is true. My best friend died 3 months ago in November. She died alone in a hotel room from an overdose. She killed herself. I will NEVER be the same. She asked me how. It isn't a secret that most of us know some of the how's. She did it like I told her and I will forever feel like I helped kill her. I am a person who is many times suicidal. Now I can't even think of doing it. Only if I could be together with Tatiana again. I very much need to know anything from anyone who coressponded with her in the time before her death. She died in November of 2005. Her last post was November 18th. She was very special to me and still is. I wish so much that she was still here. I was very close to her. That is why her brother called me two days ago to tell me of her death. We not only emailed but wrote letters and talked on the phone. Her death will not be in vain. Not for me. If you ever have been suicidal you understand the pain. But the pain of losing someone you love to suicide is worse. I am telling you this to let you know of Rain's death and also for you to think of how it affects others. Its not a guilt trip. I am almost 32 and have beden suicdal from 10 years old. Anyone can contact me my email is posted (I think) otherwise you can use my hotmail address its [e-mail].

[Freakofftheleash]

I really, REALLY hope this isn't true altho i can't see that post being fake. Look at that email adress. If it was a hoax fairygirl712 did her home work. Tinkerbell was a good freind to Rain, even though they broke contact at some point. I'm inclined to believe her but until i know for certain my self i have hope she's still alive.

I've got a copy of her home address lying about somewhere, i can't guarantee that it's upto date but we could write her some letters?

[Freakofftheleash]

I can't believe she's gone. What happened? What went wrong? And why didn't she say anything? I don't post much here - i'd probably do more harm than good - but one word from her and i'd turn my life upside down to help her.

There's no point going over it now. I hope she has found what she needs. I'm going to miss her.

R.I.P Rain

[ghost]

fuck me

[ghost]

this isnt real is it?

[kittyclub2005]

Oh my God!! How could this happen? Even though I didn't know her, she was my friend.

[darkmoonfairy]

It is me Tinkerbell, Tatiana's friend. I am sorry you didn't believe me. I didn't want to believe it myself. I have hoped it wasn't true. It breaks my heart. We didn't lose touch in that kind of way...we continued emails and snail mail. I just couldn't get online. It pains me for all the time I missed. Tatiana was miserable. When she asked for direction i didn't truly believe that she would do it. We talked so much about it. It had been years. So many discussions of death. But she did in the end how she wanted. I believe that she is where she needs to be. I hope and pray she is finally at peace. I can't stop crying. I just sometimes pretend in my mind that her brother was just being mean. I keep hoping that she is just somewhere on an island away from all communication. I want to be able to get a copy of an obituary. Her brother has written some stuff on a website but it is in dutch. I have to get a dutch dictionary.So I can write him a mailed letter requesting obituaries or even a death certificate. I just need to know everything that happened. She was alone and I failed her and for that i will NEVER forgive myself. As for people who judge me with posts before this. You don't know me and you don't know how our friendship was. She wanted peace and there was nowhere she could find it. I didn't want her to be in pain. And she was in great pain all the time. By the way....Her real name was Charmaine Noraly Rombley. She was born January 12th 1986 (she was a January girl...) She liked to listen to Madonna and I introduced her to Tori Amos music. She fell in love with Tori. Black Dove (January) was her favorite song. Her aunt gave her the name Tatiana. She was my best friend. So nobody can judge me and tell me that I am lying or that I didn't know her. I have stacks of mail from her. She is always with me now. If you don't like me I'm sorry. I wanted to get to know the people on this site who spoke to her. I guess I feel i need to know anything I can. She wrote me a good-bye letter but she put it in an E-card and the site got rid of it after 30 days. By the time her brother contacted me the card was gone. I truly love her. It is my guilt to deal with what happened, but she wouldn't have wanted me to take the blame. That was what she was like. I wanted her pain to be over with. That's all.

[darkmoonfairy]

oh by the way to those of you who judge me. Tell me that you are not without guilt for some suicidal attempt or anything like that. I didn't make Tati do it. I pleaded with her for years. I asked her to wait until I could find a way to get her to America. I wanted her to stay alive. I don't even know how far she took what I said to her. All her brother said was she took an overdose at a hotel. I know the guilt i hold in this. It is mine and I take it into myself each and everday. But you are in no place to judge me. You were on this website with her and had no clue either. What did you do to prevent it from happening??I know my place in this but I know that those who are saying these mean things have no clue what it was like. And you are in no place to judge me. People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw rocks......

[darkmoonfairy]

If you want Tati's home address let me know. If you need to check up to see if she will write go ahead. its in my backpack right next to me. Only I won't give it to people that might write something mean. There is another website that is in Dutch that i think her brother is maintaining. There are pictures there of her and the memorial they have set up for her at their home. Just go to google and write Charmaine Noraly Rombley. I am not trying to make any enemies here. My life sucks just like the rest of you. I would give up everything for her to be alive. Even if that meant she was to remain dead to me.

[ghost]

i'm not judging you or anything.

thanks for the info, i just went there now, she was a beautiful
girl.
i wish i could've been there for her too.
I enjoyed the times that i talked to her.
Im so sorry.

[kittyclub2005]

It is so sad. I wasn't judging you. It was such shocking news though. I also wish I could have been there for her. I went to that dutch site, too.

[princess]

God ... I miss rain sooo much
I keep looking over old conversations
seeing how much she helped me
I would be dead if it weren't for this site
I wish I could turn back time

[Ozlem]

Hello,
I know it has been 6 years since this thread has been replied, but I still decided to give it a try..
Because I want to tell you my encounter with Charmaine... I met her at a website called mailfriends.com back in 2004. Then we became snail mail penpals. I was 11 years old. She was 18. She was a very special penpal for me because back in the days I was a very depressive, introverted child and her letters full of bright thoughts and spirituality. She gave me hope and introduced me to a whole new world. I considered her like a mature, spiritual guide sister. What connected us in the first place was both of us loved Tori Amos. And she told me a lot about you (who introcuded her to Tori) as her best penfriend from America. I can tell you all of it in detail if you want to.
I only have 3 letters from her. The last one came in feb 18, 2004. then, she never sent me anything back. But in a previous letter (which she sent 6 months later after my reply - a long time) she mentioned depression and death but suddenly changed the subject to teach me Dutch and Papiamento. Ah.. Her last letter was so different from the others. It was so bleak, dark and sorrowing. I was very young back then to understand everything she's saying about death and life but I felt that her soul was suffering a lot. So I really got worried about her. When she didn't reply I waited for a long time (both email and letter) but couldn't hear from her ever again...
Then, life took me away to my alone path again and I dwelt in depression for years. I lost contact with all my penpals since 2006..
After, I moved to Canada (I am born and raised in Turkey) for school.
This summer I came back to my mother's house for vacation. And she showed me all these letters from my penpals. She asked me if she should throw them. So I decided to take a look and keep the ones that are special.
Of course, I searched for Charmaine's letters and I read them again, remembering how much I loved her. I miss her so much suddenly. I craved to hear from her again.
SO, as you can imagine, I searched her name on google, to find her again somewhere online.
And this thread was the only one I could find. I'm in sorrow and pain since I learnt what happened. Even though it's been years ago. She was so special for me. She was the one who gave me hope in my depression. I feel so sorrowful deep in my heart and I think of her constantly.
But reading the whole story, I want to tell you that you shouldn't blame yourself, for she told me many times how much she loved you even the times you lost contact.. She loved you so much.. It's almost like you were the only joy in her life.
My request from you is, please contact me. I really, really want to tell you what I heard from her, and I also really want to hear about your communication with her.
Let's look at the beautiful memories of her we have and remember her with love and bliss. And wish peace for her soul.
She told me that she thinks that.. nothing really dies, when I told her I was sad for the death of my cat. She told me "the spirit remains somehow, you know?"

My email is: [e-mail]

I am looking forward to your answer. I can verify all of this story because I have pictures of her letters and I know the address she used to live.

[Rain-brother]

Olmost 9 years from now, and everyday I think About my sister , I dont understand why she start talk too you people That help hur kill self