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Post by Mal on Aug 22, 2005 12:52:13 GMT -5
I dunno...it's like I was touched by different people in ways that I don't want them to. My cousin. my dad, people whom I don't know...My cousin's the worst...I was only four. Told me to take of my pants off n told me it was a game...He's just 4 years elder than me...oh man..gd that my helper 'saved' me...cus I reli dunno wat he'll do to me. It's jus horrible. I don't know if anything happened, since all I could remember is what happened before and after but I suppose not, or else why would everyone treat it as though nothing happened? It's not like 'something has to happen' so it 'happened' I dunno howta describe...but it still hurts and I don't dare to have ANY physical contact with guys, besides holding their hands while praying...which is acceptable. Maybe cus wut happened aint 'too bad' I don't reli hav problems trusting guys but yet, It hurts. I'm always trying to protect myself but I know that God is the perfect protector. I try my best to rely on Him but not myself...it's tough but yah... hopefully someone replies=]
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Post by 14 on Aug 23, 2005 0:19:00 GMT -5
hey girl, you need to find professional to talk to this about if you have not already. it sounds like you needs some closure in your mind where this incident(s) is involved. try not to block every boy from your life, just makesure that they earn your trust.
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Post by Rain on Sept 14, 2005 4:25:14 GMT -5
Mal, I can relate. I don't think you do well into not caring about whoever you get hooked up with. It's another for of abusing yourself. Seeing as there are not many miracles life offers to cure these feelings and erase the hurtful past, I'd also suggest you to talk to someone who you can really trust. A professional. Don't let it come so far you will be seeing yourself as a 'whore', better prevent than encouraging yourself for more bad luck.
I'm in therapy now to deal with my feelings. Trying is always good. Try before you give up.
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Post by missbrackish on Oct 4, 2005 13:50:20 GMT -5
I was sexually abused when I was around 4. I still remember it, and I also remember ttelling my mom about it. And that she never did anything about it. She never asked the man about it (he was my babysitter), she never contacted authorities, and she never tried to talk to me about it. I wonder if she even believed me when I told her. But I just remember for the longerst time after that, I thought nothing was wrong with what had happened to me. I thought it was normal, but I did know I didnt like it.
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Post by Rain on Oct 4, 2005 17:10:54 GMT -5
(((hugs)))
Totally can relate to your story. In contrary, my mom was shocked when I told her, what could she do? We were 9 years ahead already and for me it would've been a nightmare if she confronted the bad guy. I must say I have felt quite filthy and dirty for a long time, I think I still do (this experience has really made my relationship with men quite difficult) but I can live with myself a little now as it's the past. It's not happening still. But you're not alone with this even your mom didn't believe you which is rather harsh, she is your mother.
I thought it was normal too but how could it be if it felt different? And it was easy to trick me, and rewarding me with something nice. What a sheep I was. I was little just as you... and things like this happen, against our wills.
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Post by kittyclub2005 on Oct 23, 2005 1:02:01 GMT -5
Yes, and some of us recover while some of us don't. Hopefully, all of us on this forum here will recover.
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Post by dwelfusius on Oct 24, 2005 10:59:33 GMT -5
hi..first of all,great site..when I read the first post in this thread,tears came in my eyes..it was so,recognizable(excuse me when I make mistakes,English is not my first language)..I have been abused by my brother and foster-brother from my I think 8 till 11 year..I can't be sure cause it's a black period in my life,it's blacked out in my brain..I am never raped(with raped I mean actual sexual intercourse) an maybe that's why I find it so difficult to talk about abuse,because so many girls(and boys) have suffered so much more..and my relations with boys are also(sort of) normal I think..I'm together now for 1year and 9months with my bf..It's like I'm not authorized to feel bad about it,because It's not every hour of the day I think about it,and I really don't know how to cope with that.. sometimes I don't think about it for a long time,and then suddenly I get a flashback of me ,lying in my bed,the sheets pulled tightly around my body so the hands wouldn't be able to touch me..but the hands found their way..I was maybe just wondering if anyone could give me advice or something,because I don't know if I actually have the right to say it was a traumatizing experience or not,I think I can but it doesn't feel that way..I suffer from bulimia,auto mutilation and drug abuse for,something about 6 years now,and the longer it lasts,the less courage I have to left fighting..I'm just lucky to have God(not in a G.Bush god bless America hypocrite way but truly because I confide in Jesus as my savior) because else I probably would have give up a long time ago..I don't expect fit ready solutions,but maybe someone can say something that helps..thx
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Post by Rain on Nov 2, 2005 13:11:32 GMT -5
What a story. Like you I wasn't raped, but I'm sure I would've if I were older, even I can't tell. People can't be predicted. I actually try not to remember what happened, for it sort of just disgusts me and to think these days I still have issues with the people who hurt me, makes it worse. I know -thankfully- there are some really nice people, unlike those who needed to wound us. People like my friends and your boyfriend. Just don't let him go or believe you don't deserve him, you do. You deserve happiness, everyone (victims) does. Also the fact my 'abuse' did not last long years like for some, made me act as if it never happened. But it did happen and they are guilty, do remember that.
Everyone who touches you against your will and makes you feel bad is guilty.
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Post by kittyclub2005 on Dec 21, 2005 4:08:12 GMT -5
[glow=purple,2,300]Yes. Don't ever think it is your fault. They had no right to touch you.[/glow]
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Post by kittyclub2005 on Sept 2, 2007 13:01:36 GMT -5
It was never your fault. There are just sick bastards out there who can't get a women in the normal means and decided that they are going to do what they want not matter what. These are the type of people who need to have their genitalia cut off and burned in front of them.
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