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Post by Chickas on Jul 15, 2005 23:04:59 GMT -5
You see me
Walking down
The halls
At school
And you judge me
From the things
You hear me say
You don't seem
To understand
How I can believe
So strongly in Ana
You don't see Ana
As I do
You misjudge her,
You misjudge me
You see my red braclet
But you don't understand
What it represents
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Post by Rain on Sept 14, 2005 4:31:55 GMT -5
What do you refer to with 'red bracelet'? Curious. It could have a deeper meaning than I think it has.
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Post by Chickas on Sept 15, 2005 16:04:20 GMT -5
"red bracelet" is my hold on Ana. and its in a way all my old scars and fresh ones that people just ignore. especially the one person i wish would look at while im at school.
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Post by Rain on Sept 16, 2005 3:11:24 GMT -5
Really original. How couldn't I have thought of that? It's definitely figurely in my accord. Yeah, I do see the image better in my head now.
By the way, am I smelling love in the air? Are you in love with someone?
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Post by Chickas on Sept 16, 2005 21:16:07 GMT -5
i dont think so. why would you think that?
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Post by Rain on Sept 17, 2005 5:37:55 GMT -5
"red bracelet" is my hold on Ana. and its in a way all my old scars and fresh ones that people just ignore. especially the one person i wish would look at while im at school. It does sound alike that you are wanting the attention of someone or maybe I misunderstood you. My apology. |
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Post by Chickas on Sept 17, 2005 12:12:11 GMT -5
what i meant is that i was wishing my school counselor would notice, would open up her eyes and just look for a second to see that im dying inside. so i think i may have misunderstood you. you were right in a way.
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Post by Rain on Sept 18, 2005 13:41:28 GMT -5
Is she the person you hold strong feelings for? Or is it a friend? I read it in one of your posts earlier that you felt you'd give up if this person turns her back on you. I also wished someone would notice me! Guess it's hard if you have to pretend when you're with others. They start forgetting about you and drown more in their own life. I talk to people and I feel I really don't exist.
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Post by Chickas on Sept 19, 2005 18:28:47 GMT -5
its not that i have feelings for her. its that shes the only person that i have left that hasnt given up on me. and this particular poem is meant for her and my school counselor. because i see my school counselor but she just looks right past me. and though i dont see the other person we talk through email and she actually understands how i feel. if she ever gave up on me then that would be my pushing point. because i cant take another trusted one gone.
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Post by Rain on Sept 20, 2005 4:11:24 GMT -5
I do hope you won't let it come so far. I mean, that you do push the destruction button just because of her. For example, if she happened to die, would you do the same? I think if you hold yourself to someone so badly, they will end up having to break out of your embrace and you will get more hurt than for being distant. I hope you can consider her as someone who really cares but don't expect a lot, you will get disappointed, too often. Speaking out of experience.
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Post by Chickas on Sept 20, 2005 19:58:54 GMT -5
if she died i dont know what i would do. shes the only one who truly knows how i feel. i dont hold things back from her. she knows ME. its taken me awile to open up to her but i have gradually over time. and if i lost her then i would be even more lost than i am right now. i know that holding onto someone so much only brings more pain eventually. but i just cant not because without her i would have everything eating away at me again, not that things still arent but its just not as bad. i have been hurt too many times to count but shes different. shes cared for me even after she didnt have to care.
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Post by Rain on Sept 22, 2005 9:23:15 GMT -5
I wished I had someone like that. But I'm happy for you, she seems worth being friends with. She's of the same age category as you? Do you do stuff together and such? Well, you need that and anything is better than suffering alone.
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Post by Chickas on Sept 22, 2005 20:20:02 GMT -5
actually she was my therapist until she decided to just be a counselor at one place and my insurance wouldnt pay for it up there but she told me not to stop emailing her, she said that she wanted to keep in touch so we do. i havent seen her since last year. in a way i am suffering alone because talking through email just isnt the same but its better than nothing. in time im sure you will find someone to be there always and care like i have.
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Post by Rain on Oct 2, 2005 15:04:47 GMT -5
Not wanting to sound like a pessimist but I doubt so. My current psychologist resulted to be a bucket of cold ice. And that after just one conversation. I don't see us having a bond or perhaps I needed to get to know each other better. I at least know that when I am sitting with her, I could be staying at home too. It was definitely a conversation whilst glaring at the time. We didn't talk longer than she thought we needed to.
Your psych seems friendly and also values you, I see. So far no one suggested me to keep any email or phone contact with them and even if they didn't, I wouldn't. I don't like being a burden to anyone, I have always felt that and it ends up bad. We break up as I seek the door.
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Post by Chickas on Oct 2, 2005 21:21:48 GMT -5
i think that i just got really lucky with my therapist. because most just wouldnt care as much. i mean she doesnt have to care anymore. if you think about it im out of her hair but she doesnt see it that way. i think its hard to find a bond like with a therapist like i have because therapists just have to care for the time that youre with them. i didnt have the bond when i first met her like i do now. i would just sit there and wait for the time to be over but things changed once i realized that she wasnt going to let me have that easy, once i realized that she did care.
i often feel like a burden as well, but Janie(my old therapist) kept telling me that i wasnt and though i still dont believe that im not a burden its nice to hear from someone that they think you arent. and i think in time you'll find that one person who knows in there heart that you arent a burden, that one person that you can open your heart up to like i have with Janie. in time you'll come to see that you arent a burden.
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