Post by Rain on Jun 17, 2005 20:43:15 GMT -5
I havent done it in like days. Not sure how many.. I stupidly had an incident with my mother when I came home a day, feeling incredibly sweaty. Like a stupid cow I took off my black jacket I had worn underneath my also black cape. It simply was too hot and I always tend to wear things to keep me warm, even when it's hot already.
So I wanted to get some fresh air but forgot about my sleeve, whilst I sat relaxing in the chair, checking this place out as I often try to do. She came talking to me, noticed the brown spots on this pink shirt I worn and started going mad on me. No tomato sauce or red ink, paint etc. could've saved me of the woman who spontaneously started to hit me with her fist.
I felt very very angry. How dare she treat me like a kid? She even dared to pull my ear!
Anyway, I am careless these days... somehow maybe, she's the reason I haven't done it. I don't want any interrogation and any guilt she often tries to make me feel by saying they can arrest her when they hear what I do (as if!!) or she treatens me, saying she will tell me father, like he's been there for me emotionally over the three years he left. Thinking about it, he was always there to provide food, like that was the most important thing! But never to ask 'why are you sad?'. Even when he asked that, he would not think I was depressed, he would think it was just school and believe in the lies I tell.
My parents and I don't connect, they simply aren't reaching me when they think they do. Just sometimes they have this intuition that says.. 'something doesn't feel right', like preminition... Which is right too but I never say they are right.
Anyway, this was a long post but how long (if you are) are you cut/blood-free?
So I wanted to get some fresh air but forgot about my sleeve, whilst I sat relaxing in the chair, checking this place out as I often try to do. She came talking to me, noticed the brown spots on this pink shirt I worn and started going mad on me. No tomato sauce or red ink, paint etc. could've saved me of the woman who spontaneously started to hit me with her fist.
I felt very very angry. How dare she treat me like a kid? She even dared to pull my ear!
Anyway, I am careless these days... somehow maybe, she's the reason I haven't done it. I don't want any interrogation and any guilt she often tries to make me feel by saying they can arrest her when they hear what I do (as if!!) or she treatens me, saying she will tell me father, like he's been there for me emotionally over the three years he left. Thinking about it, he was always there to provide food, like that was the most important thing! But never to ask 'why are you sad?'. Even when he asked that, he would not think I was depressed, he would think it was just school and believe in the lies I tell.
My parents and I don't connect, they simply aren't reaching me when they think they do. Just sometimes they have this intuition that says.. 'something doesn't feel right', like preminition... Which is right too but I never say they are right.
Anyway, this was a long post but how long (if you are) are you cut/blood-free?